Why do other people steal my joy?
Maybe because I let them. Why do I let them steal my joy? Why do I rage with anger when others let me down or don’t give any thought to my feelings? Am I so self centered I cannot see beyond my own needs?
A few people in my life continually hurt me. They probably don’t realize how often I feel hurt by their actions. I wonder if they even care. Are they so self centered they cannot see beyond their own needs?
A friend asked me this morning, “Why does it matter so much?” Good question. Why does it matter so much?
Because I want everyone to like me! I want people to at least consider my feelings. I want others to see my compassionate heart. I want them to understand my pain. I feel unjustly judged. Oh, so it really is about me!
I searched the book of Philippians to figure out what it means to “look not only to your own needs, but also to the needs of others.” I discovered this sits in the context of suffering. Paul, from jail, thinking he might die, relates to the Philippian believers how they should behave. Throughout the book he implores them to, “Press on,” “conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ,” “consider others better than yourselves,” “Rejoice in the Lord.”
Really? So, I should live in an others-centered world. I should consider others better than myself, and look not only at my own needs, but also the needs of those others who continue to hurt me. Hmmm . . . How might that look, especially when it feels like others consider their own needs, feelings, and desires over mine?
Paul teaches, “The important thing is that, in every way, . . . Christ is preached (1:18);” That, “Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ (1:27); Let your gentleness be evident to all (4:4).” Do not be anxious, but in everything take your requests to God (4:6). “And the peace of God . . . will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus (4:7).”
And then, the secret to contentment:
“I can
do everything
through him
who gives
me strength.” (4:13)
What might Paul mean when he says, “Look not only to your own needs?” Maybe he assumes we naturally consider our own needs, desires, feelings, and interests. So, his point, then: consider the needs of others in addition to your own.
Maybe I need to consider what lies behind the other person’s feelings causing his insensitivity to mine. One problem I often encounter: The other person’s needs usually remain hidden from my view, leaving me blind. If conversation ensued where I could hear and understand the other person’s issues, it would help. Those who regularly hurt me won’t discuss the issues between us.
Unfortunately, I don’t think circumstances change Paul’s instructions to “press on toward the goal” of winning the prize in these things. The mature take this view, he points out.
Oh. Ouch!
Bottom line? Be the mature one. Press on. Trust God to give strength. Consider the needs of others in addition to my own.
Even if my need leads to confrontation, I must do so in a “manner worthy of the gospel of Christ,” in a manner that exudes gentleness and considers the other person’s needs as more important than, and in addition to, my own.
With humility, kindness, and love.
So why, then, do I let people steal my joy? Because I don’t easily revert to considering other peoples’ needs more important than my own, or even as important as my own.
My first inclination? To fight back. To defend myself. Or to completely withdraw. Lord, give me strength to act like the mature one and show genuine love to those who hurt me in order for the gospel of Christ to shine through me.
“I can
do everything
through him
who gives
me strength.” (4:13)
Fran Geiger Joslin 